Live in the Plural

Source: Crown and Cove

A couple weekends ago I had a number of bad days in a row. Two errant thoughts/feelings from the week grew inside my head on Thursday, torturing me as I focused on them. So when Friday came around and work I'd done for my classes needed redone through no fault of my own I sank further into the pit. That Saturday brought hours of wasted time, as I worked on a PhD project using the wrong topic...initially missing the side note I'd added in class that week to clarify the requirements. I would have to start all over. By dinnertime on that Saturday I realized I hadn't really been in touch with anyone outside of my immediate family for three days. And even at home, I'd hidden away to avoid anything but my misery. And I thought, bad days happen, but what could I have done to avoid going on for days in misery and withdrawal?

I'm big on transparency and learning from each other - even if it's just among a small gathering or a few friends. So, on our FB group page, I asked the ladies of my church for their input on the following situation: "You know those times you've held it together through a few things gone wrong in a few days' time, but then there's one more thing that goes wrong and it's one thing too many. And really crying - or at least throwing a fit - seems like the best option. But the problems are still there afterward...So where do you go from there? What are the things you think, read, say, and do that help you get back on track?" Myself and a few ladies responded with the following:

• Sometimes when we hit a bad day or thing we think we'll just push through and don't know there is possibly more [bad days or bad things] to come. So it's best to pray and be still about a "bad" day or situation immediately. Sometimes it's just that one thing that makes the rest look as bad as they do...and sometimes that first thing isn't even as bad as we think in the moment. Being still before God realigns us.

• We tend to push ourselves to hold it together and then we really lose it. Attitude is the first thing to go! Try to recognize what is happening and do some positive self talk to deal with it and not let it build up.

• It builds up because we try to keep everything in. We need to talk about what's going on out loud and get it all out and rest.

• After throwing a fit - cause sometimes that just happens - say out loud "Ok Lord, I can't fix this alone so you need to help me." Acknowledging out loud that we can't fix the issue and giving it to God then and there is needed because we know we can't fix it, but hold onto the possibility that we can anyway.

These make sense and I see the use of all of them, so I wanted to share the collective wisdom of my friends in helping to relieve bad days and situations that get out of control. While I've collected their advice and pondered the way "bad days" get out of control in the couple weeks since my bad weekend, I came across another amazing help in such situations - this one more of a prevention than a cure. This past weekend I attended Ohio Ministry Network's Time Apart (a women's conference) in Columbus, Ohio. We had an amazing speaker on Saturday, Dr. Alicia Britt Chole, who spoke from her various writings, among them newly published The Sacred Slow. She and her husband have spent thirty years mentoring people in growing deeper roots in their walk with God. And her final point of the afternoon on Saturday hit home for me on this topic I'd been writing and thinking upon.

Her last point was simply titled "Live in the Plural." She says that when it comes to self-talk (conversations we have with ourselves - about ourselves - in our heads), we need to shift from thinking "I" to "we." In theological reality, we are never alone. We say that God is always with us; therefore, it is never an "I" who is doing and thinking, but a "we" - Jesus and I. Dr. Chole states that, "Every moment of every day is a moment to abide in Jesus. You need to think and live as we - 'Jesus and I.'"

Her point in this is that such thinking will affect how you talk about yourself and others when Jesus is involved. We may not have a problem looking in the mirror and saying, "I look so ugly today." But, as believers, if we are thinking and living in the plural, we find it difficult to say, "Jesus and I look so ugly today." We have no problem looking at others and thinking, "What is her problem?" But if we are thinking in the plural, it becomes more difficult to criticize by thinking, "What is her and Jesus' problem?"

That weekend when I realized I'd have to redo my work I was thinking, "My time is wasted and I don't know how I'll find time to redo it." If my mindset had been "we," the thought would have been, "Mine and Jesus' time is wasted and I don't know how either Jesus or I will find the time redo it." And at that moment, it would've all turned around before getting out of control. I mean really, is Jesus' time ever wasted and is it impossible for Jesus to find the time to redo something? Thinking in the plural in that moment would've turned me to Jesus immediately, lifting up my problem and moving on. (As it turns out, on Monday I had an idea to fix my problem and a co-worker in charge of the new program helped me fit my work into the new format required. No real extra work or time required. All that fret and the following days of misery for nothing?)

Live in the plural! Jesus is always with you and so nothing you think, do, or say is on your own. Placing Jesus directly alongside you in your every thought, word, and deed is a good way to do as His Word says in Romans 12:2 to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Cures are good, they are needed, but isn't prevention the best course to take when we can?!

Old Things New

Brandon and I this year,at the 171st 
Canfield Fair. Every year I feel it's probably
romantic to ride the Ferris Wheel together...
and every year after getting on I realize I hate
the Ferris Wheel and swear not to ride it again.

Two years ago, my husband and I went to the 169th Annual Canfield Fair, a local fair that has been going on for, well at that point, 169 years. It's the full deal: good food that's oh so bad for you; rickety rides; rip-off games; farm animal shows and competitions; craft competitions; tractor displays; demolition derby; Grand Stand concerts; and pony rides. I'm sure I've missed something, but you get the idea.

Fair time has meant "date" time for us the past couple years.

This fair has obviously been running my whole life and is a stalwart tradition in the lives of just about everyone in the area - even after people move away, they often come back for the fair. Two years ago was the first time my husband and I had been to the fair without our kids. At that time they were 16, 14, and 10 1/2 and had gone with friends at different times instead. I remember the day well because it was my birthday too and we had fun, but it was also the beginning of a transition for us - a time when family outings no longer meant all five of us. And as most transitions are, it was a little bit sad.

This year, two years later, I debated going to the fair because unexpected expenses had come along during the summer and my school work had already piled up, but when my son wanted to go I took heed of the check in my spirit that said, "Remember last time? Who knows if you'll ever go with your kids again, if not now." Indeed, both of our daughters had already gone with friends on different days. So my husband and I headed off with him on the last day of the fair.

Not even 100 feet inside the gate, my son's friends come walking along and he announces they're going to go "hang out." We give him some money and he heads off to the barns where his friends keep their animals...because what can you say to a twelve-year-old boy whose whole excitement of life is wrapped up in this moment of a couple of hours with friends in a place of independence that makes him feel like a man (even if a little one, at that).

As he walks away I realize this was planned and I realize the disappointment of losing the time I thought we'd have with him that day. Also, that it seems my sacrifice of time and money (spent on my husband and me to be there) wasn't even necessary. My husband and I exchange little laughs about the situation and head off to run the route of the fair we run every year - first up, the Baby Animal Barn, known for its petting zoo appeal.

We walk in, petting the animals that look friendly enough to pet, until I come across a peacock. He's sitting with his fan-like tail closed, but thrust behind him in all its smooth perfection and color. And I can't help but stop and stare...and snap a picture between the links of the fence. He's amazing. Yet, it's weird - it's not like I've never seen a peacock before - but in that moment I am somewhat awestruck. It's a funny thing about life - that the everyday events, things, and people of life can one day change before your eyes. Or maybe it's not that they change, but you do. 

Walking to the end of the lane, with a little duck cradled in my hands, I recall the Sunday a few weeks before where I had my head bowed throughout the beginning of worship and when I looked up it was as if I'd pulled my head out of a hole and suddenly certain people stood out to me and things looked different - more clear. Life had changed drastically in my own head that week before and I knew this was a sign that I would have to change the way I carried myself in that new knowledge. Knew right then and there that letting go of my previous focuses would be difficult and even painful, but that the change must happen to fulfill the purpose God calls all believers to.

Perhaps, this too is part of it? If I am a new creation, if a stirring change takes place and continues to grow, then doesn't it follow that my perspective shift will see old things as new? Everything we saw that day was wondrous to me. We even came across a floral barn, where people had entered single flowers they'd grown themselves for competition - a mass of perfection in color and design. I don't recall ever seeing it before. How had I not known or remembered this was here? I love doing landscaping!

We pet every horse we saw, fed them straw, laughed at the silly ducks, and smiled at the wily and cuddly goats. We walked through almost every single display barn - packed with the goodness of the talents and abilities of the people of our home. We sat on a bench with our fair food and continued to sit long after, watching people walk by. And the presence of life was awe inspiring. And to think I almost missed it, all because I'd allowed my focus to shift back to the old - the worry of the day instead of its possible glory. Lord, continue to give us eyes and ears that recognize your glory and are awestruck in the moments you give.

Birthday Love

I'd say, especially yourself!
Source: Instagram @david.c.cook

"Our decisions, our relationships, and our preferences in large part stem from what we say to ourselves about ourselves." Ruth Graham

And what is it you have said to yourself about yourself ? 

I'm not enough, smart enough, able enough, good enough...

I'm not loved, understood, wanted, needed...

I don't measure up, understand, have what it takes...

I can't get it right, be what others need me to be, do what I should...

I am alone, too different, too intense/shy...

I've never made a big deal about my birthday and it hit me this birthday why not. Because of the things I've said to myself about myself over the years. The list above probably looks familiar - most of us have felt or thought similar things about ourselves at some point - but I've thought some of these things on a regular basis for most of my adult life. I allowed the results of wrong decisions I made as an 18-year-old dictate everything I thought I knew about myself for the twenty years that followed. 

In her book Me, Myself & Lies: What To Say When You Talk To Yourself, Jennifer Rothschild states that, "The words we say go straight to the core of our being. They shape the way we think about ourselves. They influence our emotions and our decisions. They resurface in our conversations with other people. They can spur us on to live meaningful, productive lives, or they can make us not even want to get out of bed!" The sentiment is biblically based too - Proverbs 23:7 states, "For as he thinks within himself, so he is" (NASB). I had basically convinced myself at some point that I wasn't worthy of celebration. 

The more I've thought about it, the more convinced I am that this has gone beyond birthday celebrations though and I've found myself in a weird middle ground. I try to work behind the scenes or within a comfortable group of people. Yet, at the same time, I have little fear of speaking up and speaking out and who doesn't like the chance to do big things and be recognized here and there? I believe there is a disconnect between what I am able to do and what I am comfortable doing because of the way I've spoken negatively to myself over the years. I long to charge forward in a big way,  but only after I'm sure no one's looking. I've stalled my own boat, so to speak. The car is in gear, but I'm riding the brakes.

But this year things have changed. I feel differently than I have before about all kinds of things - especially myself. My time spent in God's Word, prayer, personal Bible studies, etc., has slowly reshaped my thought process. I'm stepping into leadership positions and making dreams come true, as well as stepping out of old mindsets and comfort zones - picking it all up as it comes with prayer and without overthinking. God gave me a verse at the beginning of 2017 that has come back to me on numerous occasions: "...I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" Psalm 139:14 (Click here for more about this). I've seen more and more that I am how God intended me to be, so I need to learn to accept me and use what I've been given to make this life effective for Him. Otherwise, I'm wasting precious time and opportunities not standing by those whom I would be involved with if I weren't so busy holding myself down.

It has come about slowly, but I think it's picking up speed...this ability to love and accept myself. I've noticed in the past couple years even I've felt excited for my birthday, even though I didn't always make plans or spend it in any special way. I figure between this year and next, that gives me two years to get myself prepared for a super 40th birthday celebration! I will also (hopefully) be very close to finishing my PhD at that point and just months away from my 20th wedding anniversary, so I'm telling my husband and friends I have big expectations for "specialness" to happen!

But for now, do me a favor...look yourself in the eye in the mirror today, smile big, and say, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made; His works are wonderful. I am who I am because He has a plan that gives me a purpose. And I can love myself because He loves me, as I am, more than enough."

Then go into your day in strength of His promise. 

My Whole Being Waits

source: Instagram @elizabethlaingthompson

Hey everyone! I hope whatever this week has brought you, that above all your eyes have stayed on Jesus. It's been a weird week. The week began and continued to be bittersweet and filled with tears over our friends, the Bowers, moving to SC. I was able to keep it together with them all evening Wednesday at church (their last evening with us), until we drove away and it became very real to me that we would no longer see them as we please. What can you do with the kind of hurt that wells up as a physical ache in your chest?

This was also the first week back to school for me and with some new things in place for teachers and a new grade level for me to convert to our use of technology throughout the year, it crushed me. I've worked nonstop from the moment I walked into the building until the moment I've left. (Yesterday I made myself eat lunch without working and today took lunch to talk with all of you.) I napped after school the first two days and sat like a lump yesterday evening. My Kent classes start next week and I just wonder how I'll find the self-motivation and energy to make it through the next 39 weeks. 

And then there's just life in my head. What I know God has for me to do now, what I think is in process, and what I wonder it is all leading to in the future. And as my thoughts jumble over each other at any given time, my emotions begin to frustrate as well and I can feel them trying to take me down. My attitude changes in my head and in moments I become petty and even snippy with those around me. Even when it's good stuff, too many thoughts in too many places is overwhelming.

But today ladies, today I awoke to a reminder in Psalms 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope." In reading the Word daily, in staying in prayer, in worshiping, in weekly fasting, in surrounding ourselves with a Christian support system, we wait - or remain - in Jesus and we find our hope. A friend recently gave me advice in a hard moment to take it one day at a time, don't look so far ahead. And now I add to it that not only does one day at a time take away the overwhelming aspect, but in taking it one day at a time, we can better wait on the Lord. 

And suddenly my week looks differently. The bittersweet tears over the Bowers's departure becomes somewhat momentary in the fact that future visits are already planned and technology will keep my family and I in touch with them as always. And I'm reminded of the blessing just to have them in my life and to keep in touch so easily.

I realized this morning that I've hit very few snags in my work at school this week - technology has cooperated and free trials of programs and apps have allowed me to transfer from old technology to new as easy as can be (there's just a lot to transfer). I have SO much done in preparation for the next month. So much done during work hours that I didn't have to take much work home and the naps, laying around, and time with my family didn't mean other work was going undone. I came to work today feeling ready to go in the days to come. And my Kent classes? Two semesters of actual classes left - there's a light at the end of the tunnel and the fact that I managed it last year. One day at a time.

And my thoughts...the redirection in other matters has redirected my thoughts as well. I am content with now. Do what God has for now - spend time where and with whom God says, speak and write as God leads, do the best in the roles which God has currently ordained. Record away the upcoming he has given for later reference and don't worry about months and years in advance. If I can't wait in and live in and learn from NOW, God's future plans for me are delayed anyway and I'm left in a longer wait than even He intended. 

Being present where God has you now - especially if it's a season of waiting or transition season - is the only way to be. Wait in him and you will find your hope. And that hope will alter your perspective in all that goes on around you. 

New Purpose - Living On Purpose

Hey everyone! I am writing today to officially switch over the name and purpose of this blog. I started my blog as Keep Inspired in July 2012 as a way to keep up some writing practice, thinking I'd focus on writing. I found I could only write so much about writing and within six months, changed the name of my blog to My Life in Books, which it has remained as for the last four and a half years. Recently, I started writing more about things that have come up in life and I wrote in order to process them. There was very little to do with actual books, so I started calling myself Keep Inspired again on social media. Overall, I just wasn't satisfied with the name. It didn't say all I wanted it to say; it wasn't intentional enough.

So, after some thought, I've decided to keep this blog to maintain my previous work, but change the name and purpose. Even the URL and contact email are new! Mostly this is a time factor. This idea didn't come to me until the busy end of the summer. Also, with my teaching and college courses starting one after the other in the next two weeks, I don't have time to learn a new venue and completely create a new blog. I actually started to, but then felt I was creating unnecessary stress for myself.

So here we are. Living On Purpose is the new name and blogging about life as it comes to me is the new game. If you've been around the blog in the past year, you've noticed I write fully within my Christian beliefs. As the basis for everything in my life, who I am, what I say and do, it's non-negotiable. But I've had comments made by readers that even without the same beliefs, they can see what I'm getting at. So I hope my blog can be a place where transparently living on purpose offers hope, encouragement, and love.

Hope you will join me!

The Struggle is Real...and Good

Back in February I wrote about a particularly hard week and weekend I had, but unsure of my take on things and with my busy school schedules, I delayed posting and then just didn't. I reread it recently and I feel the same about what I wrote. And I've continued to experience it - brought to tears and the end of myself in the months since as God continues His work in me. So I left it as is from February 2017:

Ever have those times where life feels - heck, you feel - like a complete mess? Maybe there are external factors such as sickness, finances, or relationships involved, but with or without external factors, there is likely roller coaster emotions. You feel good one minute and then find yourself free falling toward sadness, despair, hurt and/or anger, maybe feeling helpless and hopeless. You find a pick me up or make some progress, but within days or a week later you've fallen off track again. Even if you like roller coasters, this one threatens to make you sick.

No? It's just me? Well, just in case someone else out there understands, know I've been there too. I'm there now, and I'll likely find myself here again in the future. Because only one thing in this life is consistent: change. Usually, if you're human, change brings with it struggle. Even though change is always around us, sometimes our lives hit seasons of greater or more change, and the struggle is more than a hashtag, the struggle IS real.

We know journeys and seasons of life change us...how could they not? And isn't that the point on more than one level? But "knowing" and "knowing from experience" are two different things. My sister for example, who knows my birth stories well, right after having her first child recently, asked me, "Why did you do this three times?!" (She was still a little out of it at that point.) She'd heard all the gruesome details about birth, she'd read articles, watched videos, gone to Lamaze classes...but none of them could prepare her as fully as the actual experience of giving birth.

I find more and more that I'm faced with this difference between knowing change happens and experiencing change - I'm strangely aware of myself now as I haven't been before. We are taught to know that God is making us like Him, but what do we know from experience? God has newly opened my eyes to moments where my tone of voice is off, my words don't glorify him, my intentions are not right, my insecurities and fears are carrying me away, I am being prideful, etc. Realizing these moments - knowing they've been a part of me for awhile - I wonder how I still have a husband and friends?!

That mantra for the past month - the struggle is real - drove me to prayer and to seek support. After a particularly difficult week that moved into a harder weekend, where I felt like nothing but a mess, I found myself revealing the horrible feeling to my husband and a friend. Both encouraged me greatly with truth, that things are not what they seem (thank God for husbands and best friends). The enemy whispers lies, blows things out of proportion, creates despair, and robs us of what God gives; God gives abundant life (John 10:10). Keeping this in mind helps us determine from which source we are receiving in any given moment...I had been listening to the wrong side more often than not that week.

That Sunday, with the swells of "How Great Thou Art" reverberating around the sanctuary, I whispered a prayer of thanks to God for just being who He is. And without thought the next words slipped from my lips, "Thank you for the struggle." Somewhat surprised at my words, the explanation whispered into my mind - it is because of His sacrifice that we do not struggle in vain. With Him we have the ability to struggle and with struggle we have the ability to find Him. We cannot become like Jesus without drawing close to Him. Drawing close brings about a change of heart. And change of heart often brings struggle.

But take heart, there's a purpose. In John 15:1-5 Jesus states, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (NIV)

Cut off - ouch! And why prune what is already producing fruit? Is that really necessary? It makes one wonder, why prune fruit trees? Turns out, pruning fruit trees allows more sunlight and air to reach all parts of the tree, which focuses a tree's strength on the good branches that will bear and support even more fruit than it has already. Since fruit trees are all about the production of fruit, pruning is the successful means to that end.

Not always, but often our struggles hurt because they are evidence of God's pruning. If we are the branches remaining (or abiding) in Christ, He is not going to leave us as we are. He sees our potential, He knows what He has for us, and He is going to change us accordingly. He does so with precision, a step at a time, but it is up to us to remain in Him through the process. The struggle is real, but it is good.

Praying the Psalms, a Review

Source: NetGalley

Praying the Psalms: Growing Emotionally Closer to God and Those You Love, by Rick Stedman
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers
Publication date: October 1, 2016
Category: Christian, nonfiction, motivational
Source: I received this galley from NetGalley for consideration of a review.

Rick Stedman has written a series of books on prayer, the latest a teaching on how to pray the Psalms of the Bible. Early on in his book he gives a good description of what this entails and the benefits he sees in learning to pray the Psalms: "The Psalms are not church-lady approved, sanitized prayers. They are real, edgy, and authentic—even violent at times. In praying the Psalms, we learn to face our deepest hopes, hurts, and fears and to bring them to God in brutally honest prayer. We learn to identify and express a wide range of emotions, while at the same time keeping those emotions from ruling our lives. We learn how to handle hate and anger, overcome guilt and sorrow, and experience grace and mercy. After all, the only place to learn these skills is within real relationships, which is very clever of God. In the process, we find intimacy with God, deeper community with others, and—in what is perhaps the biggest surprise of all—we discover our very selves."

He provides a four step method for praying the Psalms, which consists of finding emotional words while reading a Psalm aloud, journaling the words in connection to personal experience, and formulating prayers from there. Stedman then spends a good portion of the book working through the first ten Psalms as examples of this practice. A number of word lists wrap up the book - emotional words found by certain categories to help you find Psalms that may be more relevant at a certain time.

For anyone looking for a new way to pray - and specifically to pray using the Bible - Rick Stedman's book is what you are looking for.