Motivational Book Reviews

I'm not sure what you expected to find with the title of this post, but basically, I've spent a whole lot of time reading motivational books from Christian authors over the past couple months. (I don't call them self help because the belief is we can't help ourselves without turning to God.) There are so many of them I've recently read and still more waiting on my Kindle app, each one refreshing me and building me up, each one a treasure I want to share because the messages have truly helped me. Yet, interestingly, many of them overlap each other and my journey through their lessons has just begun, so what to use to fill a review? I figured what better way to put them out there than to give you a post of mini reviews, exemplifying the best of each one?

The first two I read I actually reviewed in the past two months. The first book that started the whole process was A Confident Heart, by Renee Swope. The second was Anything, by Jennie Allen. It would belabor the point to rehash them here, so please see the links for the reviews already written on these books. They are the titles that started the inkling of real change for me.

The third title, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst, hit home hard. I had a consistent feeling of "this is me." The strange thing is, it wasn't what I thought it was going to be and I bought it more because of the author, who I already know I love. Plus, Proverbs 31 (a women's ministry of which TerKeurst is President) was running a read-a-long. I don't really have anyone to read books alongside so I always jump at the chance of a good read-a-long through Proverbs 31. I assumed the book would be about how to do more than just rote Bible reading and do-gooding. And it was that, but it went much deeper. TerKeurst probes at the core of who we are. What do you expect from life, what are doing in life, and is it going to really give you what you need? (Spoiler alert: it isn't). Among her discussion points she discusses allowing people and things to fulfill you and be the source of your happiness, which will fail you because no one and nothing is perfect. She talks about trying to measure up, do, do, do, go, go, go...and again this will fail because you are only human, you will tire going nonstop in your own strength. Plus, you don't have to measure up, you are accepted as you are by God...and true friends will see you the same way. There are many more points like these and all of them spoke to me of reevaluating my decisions and actions.

The fifth title, Undaunted, comes from another author I adore, Christine Caine. (Yes, fifth title because the fourth book I read is by far the best, so I'm saving it for last.) Undaunted discusses ways in which we find life getting us down and out and possibly giving up on what we've been called to do. I will admit some of what I read here was repeat as I've read other Caine books and the material from this book is referenced in them; however, Undaunted gave her story in more detail. She talks about ways in which we become easily discouraged or let the facts dictate what we can do when we are called by a God much bigger than any facts. And then her story of starting her A21 Campaign, an organization that fights human trafficking, absolutely backs up every point she makes. This book encouraged me in my next step forward and the life changes it will bring for me this Fall as I start my PhD program. It's daunting, but I can go forward undaunted if I choose to activate my faith.

And the fourth title? Christine Caine again, this time her newest title, Unashamed. This book can be highly personal to those for whom it applies and that's what makes it so valuable. Unashamed is about the ways in which shame has taken over our lives. Sometimes it's from something done to you and sometimes it's from things you've chosen to do. Everyone is affected by it in some way, at some point in their lives, and that's the value of this book. However, for some shame has played a much larger, tragic role, their lives encumbered by avoidance of and coping mechanisms for shame reactions. The best way to give a look into what shame does is to give a description Caine wrote (from experience) about how the mind reacts even in the smallest hurtful situation, intentional or not:

"So much emotion came with this hurt. Especially the emotion of shame—and it was loud just like a shame-producing giant always is. I was so tempted to interpret that I was being negatively judged. I was sensitive to and fearful of rejection and criticism—and wanted to withdraw. I began to feel I was the problem. I started to slide into my black-and-white perspectives of whether I was either loved or unloved, accepted or rejected, wanted or unwanted—with no rational zone in between these extremes. I began to be tempted to make adjustments to make others feel more comfortable, to people-please. So many of my shame buttons were being pushed all at once!"

Can you imagine living that way with each and every hurt and disappointment magnified ten fold? If you can or you do, you need to read Unashamed by Christine Caine. I've so enjoyed these books so far. It's all hard stuff, but when it comes down to making a life change, following a calling or becoming the you that you are intended to be, you can only change the things you are willing to confront. 

Just Show Up

Just Show Up: The Dance of Walking Through Suffering Together, by Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn

Publisher: David C. Cook

Publication date: October 1, 2015

Category: Biographies & Memoir, Christian

Source: I received this galley from the publisher via NetGalley in consideration of review.

Where to start? The publication of Just Show Up comes just six months after the passing of co-author Kara Tippetts. Tippetts published a book about her journey with aggressive cancer in October 2014, which I read and reviewed here in May. The book was about much more than cancer and I was awed by her faith. This connection did further my interest in Just Show Up, but not as much as the title itself. Much like Nike's "Just Do It" campaign, this book makes its topic a statement, rather than a question or consideration. The connection is that I find myself in a position in life right now to be of help to others, specifically in ways that I needed help in the past, but didn't always have it. I've learned it's not always easy helping others or being a volunteer and it's not always obvious how to be of good help. That's where this book comes in.

I gained two valuable insights from this book about helping others. The first is how the helping affects the person showing up. It's important to keep in mind that "showing up for another, extending yourself for another is always costly." It may be a sacrifice of comfort, time, money, and even your own emotions. Buteyn states simply that "showing up can get us hurt in the biggest way," whether it's that you are hurt by others in the process or the fact that the person you're helping is hurting and you feel his/her pain. 

So why bother? Buteyn says it best: "Friends. Community. It is the only way to know and be known. It’s where we see our own humanity and frailty, our gifts and our weaknesses. But when we show up for one another we invade each other in love, and become witnesses to the truth that trials and sickness and pain are not the whole story. There’s more, so much more. We can remind one another that our lives are not a mistake. And most importantly, that we are loved with an everlasting love." That's pretty powerful, but it's not easy. I can attest to the roller coaster emotions of being involved in the lives of those you care for. It helps to remember that the hardest things are usually the most worthwhile. And people are always worthwhile.

So, if you're ready to accept the difficulties of helping, the next thing to consider is, is the help you're offering actually helpful? The worst case is that you're causing stress or even a little more work for those you are trying to relieve of a burden. Here are a few aspects I found most valuable about helping people:

1. "So many people offer to help. They say, let me know if you need anything, but that offer is easily dismissed because it’s too broad." Making a noncommittal comment puts stress on our friends in need by handing the decision over to them and asking them to get back to us. (Although there are times where the person in need must reach out first.)

2. "If we go and serve not expecting to see them, even telling the family we’re not asking for their time, that is another gift we can give. Drop the meal off, do the laundry, or pick up the kids without expectations. People are going to welcome you when you want to serve because you aren’t making it about you." This can be difficult because you naturally want to interact with the people you love enough to serve; but, depending on the situation, it's not always feasible. So, if serving them in love as they need is truly your motivation, then this is a good point to keep in mind.

3. Kind of tied to number two, but possibly it's own thing at times, is the idea of "loving your person by releasing expectations that would remain with a normal friendship." Situations, especially where there's suffering, "can steal friendship moments from us—ones we really want to keep having. We crave those same conversations we used to have and the time we used to spend together." Depending on the situation, the typical aspects of your friendship may change and it's only fair to accept the changes because most situations that go this far are out of our hands, as well as theirs.

4. Don't offer platitudes, especially in suffering. And if details aren't offered, do not seek or press for them. "Our desire to fix things can often get in the way of our silent, listening support." Usually listening alone is what a person needs most. No need to fill it in with our own words when we don't know what to say. (I know trying to fill a silence is a habit I need to break.)

That's a whole lot of good information right there, but it's not done. The end of this book is invaluable as well. Remember that piece at the beginning warning us of the difficulties in helping someone? Buteyn revisits that topic, explaining to the reader exactly what a helper might feel (she speaks to hurt, jealousy, and insecurity), what the truth is, and how to fight those feelings. It is an extremely important section to the book.

It seems I've told so much of this book, yet there is much more. Not to mention, the details and examples missing from the points I briefly made. If you find yourself in a position of helper to friends and family in hard situations, this book is exactly what you need. Rereading the notes I made during my first reading was amazing in itself!

Any other good advice you've heard about helping others?