When a Girl Chooses to Realize...

In November I wrote a post called "Set Apart,"in which I discussed how my journey into my PhD often felt like because I had to give up things, or things changed on me, that I was being set aside. Yet, through prayer, Bible reading, and great encouraging Christian writers (namely Lysa Terkeurst in this case), I knew there was more to it. That I wasn't being set aside, but set apart for God's greater purpose. 

Here, now, with my first full year of my PhD officially wrapped up (and the second semester easier than the first), the feeling of being set aside continues to pop up...it has become much more personal and has been an impossibly hard thing that, mixed with my insecurities and worry, has tried to take me down. Besides feeling left out, there is nothing quite like looking in on something from the outside when you used to be the one on the inside. Especially when you didn't realize quite how on the outside you had become. I know there will never be a time where we are completely free of such trials and challenges, but I'd hoped to have made an inroad on this particular challenge by now.

It's glorious to think that in the midst of heartache, God has a purpose and calling for it. To think that the things we feel left out of may just serve to set us apart so we can prepare for a new purpose. But in the moment it just seems impossible...how in the world can this feeling mean good things on the horizon?

Today, as I experienced this yet again, in the midst of an otherwise happy day, Lysa TerKeurst's original phrase came to me in the aftermath of feelings:

"There is something wonderfully sacred that happens when a girl chooses to realize that being 'set aside' is actually God's call for her to be 'set apart.' This is true.

To be set aside is to be rejected. To be set apart is to be given an assignment that requires preparation.

Embrace the preparation. And remember you are set apart, beautiful one. Chosen. Adored. And reserved for a high and holy calling."

I've read those words so many times - I have "set apart" tattooed on my arm to remind me for goodness' sake! But let me tell you, you can tattoo yourself into a rainbow of beautiful, catchy phrases and reminders, but it will mean nothing until God sinks it into your heart. 

As I drove away with a wrench in my heart, replaying the hurt, Terkeurst's words running through my mind, it hit me. The key words in TerKeurst's phrase aren't "set apart" - the key words are "when a girl chooses to realize..." 

The set apart piece is God's truth - it is what it is. But I have to choose to believe and trust in that truth to activate it in my life or I will go nowhere with it. If I do not stand up and literally choose to believe and trust, the hurt will continue to hurt and the next time will feel worse, and the time after that will be devastating. And the moment will come again - there's always a next time. Choice is the key - choosing to stop, take a deep breath, state what you know to be true, and pray. The next time, the hurt will be less and it will be easier to choose, and maybe a few times after that the situation will cease to wreck my heart at all...because I will know that I am not set aside, but set apart. 

So today, with the stinging still in my heart, I am choosing to believe I am not set aside, but that I am set apart. I trust that, that place I used to inhabit, but now feel set aside from, will come to serve a fresh and new purpose in the future God is shaping for me. And if not, that I have served that place and people well in the time God chose for me to inhabit it.

He who has eyes to see, let him see and he who has ears to hear, let him hear.

#setapart #higheranddeeper #koinonia #eucharisteo #nothingtolose #everythingtogain

Set Apart

I know I've been MIA here on the blog, but I'm just finishing up week 12 of 15 for the semester and the weekly assignments they come with! The work load stayed consistent up to this point, but I've slowly felt less crazy about it. All I have left are two final papers and presentations for each, one per class.

What's changed? My ability to schedule in family time and bits of fun around work and school work improved, although I will not claim perfection by any means. But, overall I settled into the new schedule; however, that happened in large part due to my perspective change.

I always thought I'd get my PhD as a career step, taking me to the place I've been working towards all this time: professorship. The final means to the final end. That might be the case one day, but it's no longer a certain goal. As I've worked, cried, and dragged myself through this first semester I've realized differently.

This journey is a dream realized, but it is not the destination.

This journey is going to change me like no other journey has. It's going to force me to face my weaknesses and broken parts and learn to live in them and through them, changing what needs to change to come out a stronger and better person than when I started. Deep? It was a crazy "Whoa" moment when it came to mind, so yea, I'd say so, but also not surprising.

I should know by now that it's always about the journey. When one ends another begins and so we are always living in an opportunity of personal betterment, if we're willing to see it.

I was not willing to see it for the first half of this semester. The work was immediately challenging and forced me to set boundaries on my time and energy. To do well, I had to change the routines I'd been living in (basically doing whatever I wanted to) for years. I felt left out and lonely on a journey that no one around me had taken before - so that even in the good moments I didn't feel anyone could share my joy. Because of that I tried to keep my schooling separate from the rest of my life and often found myself silent among people or avoiding the topic because my schooling is my life right now. I avoided the FB newsfeed to avoid the empty hole ache of what felt like friends enjoying life without me and spending time with their families while I had to limit my own. I felt guilty over the choices I made to balance my schooling with work and family. Feeling completely dumb, I kept wondering why something I wanted so much was so difficult?

I felt God had given me the desire of my heart and then left me there to struggle through it. Dramatic? May seem so, but anything life changing has the ability to turn you upside down and inside out, while appearing completely normal to everyone else.

Fortunately, I do have family and a couple friends who allow me to vent and babble my way through the emotion and revelations until it's all sorted in my head. Also, I read a few books over the summer whose lessons kicked in for me on a level I hadn't foreseen. One of my beloved authors, Lysa TerKeurst, states best what I've learned about this journey so far in her book Uninvited:

"There is something wonderfully sacred that happens when a girl chooses to realize that being 'set aside' is actually God's call for her to be 'set apart.' This is true.

To be set aside is to be rejected. To be set apart is to be given an assignment that requires preparation.

Embrace the preparation today. And remember you are 'set apart' beautiful one. Chosen. Adored. And reserved for a high and holy calling."

This...now...is the preparation for something else. God has not left me high and dry, He has set me apart. This is time to wait but also time to grow. If I put in the time now, seeking all God has for me on the other side, all the hardship and change will be put to good use - the best use as only God can manage. I don't know exactly what awaits on the other side of my next four and a half years of schooling. I am content to know I am right where God wants me and that He will guide my steps. I need only keep my focus ahead and remember He has me set apart for a higher purpose.

Wherever you are today, I encourage you to stop and ask God "Why am I here and what would you have for me?" He may encourage you in the direction you're already headed; He may surprise you with a turnabout; He may ask you to keep waiting on Him. Whatever the answer trust in it and keep at it!

Begin the Week with Words

Living for a purpose and a plan #onamission

Begin the Week with Words

Two quotes from two of my biggest sources of advice, wisdom, and encouragement: author Lysa TerKeurst and Wisdom Hunters, a daily devotional I receive by email. It's where I'm at now in many ways - exhausted, but knowing that's where hope is found because I don't have to operate in my own strength.

"There's no kind of empty quite like this empty: where your hands are full but inside you're nothing but an exhausted shell." Uninvited, Lysa TerKeurst 


"My weakness is God’s chance to show up and show off. When I am down to nothing, He is up to something." Boyd Bailey, Wisdom Hunters

Begin the Week with Words

I finished reading Lysa TerKeurst's book Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. Ummm, this book? I am so mad I have to wait until its publication in August to buy copies to hand out and meet with others to read and discuss. It is THAT relevant. So, for now, here are more quotes to hold us over.

Begin the Week with Words

I've been reading Lysa TerKeurst's newest book coming in August, called Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. It's amazing, as all of her books are, and this one in particular has a ton of great quotes. Here are a few I've been posting to Instagram this week, with more to follow in the coming days. (And prayers for Mrs. TerKeurst's recovery from emergency surgery too!)

Motivational Book Reviews

I'm not sure what you expected to find with the title of this post, but basically, I've spent a whole lot of time reading motivational books from Christian authors over the past couple months. (I don't call them self help because the belief is we can't help ourselves without turning to God.) There are so many of them I've recently read and still more waiting on my Kindle app, each one refreshing me and building me up, each one a treasure I want to share because the messages have truly helped me. Yet, interestingly, many of them overlap each other and my journey through their lessons has just begun, so what to use to fill a review? I figured what better way to put them out there than to give you a post of mini reviews, exemplifying the best of each one?

The first two I read I actually reviewed in the past two months. The first book that started the whole process was A Confident Heart, by Renee Swope. The second was Anything, by Jennie Allen. It would belabor the point to rehash them here, so please see the links for the reviews already written on these books. They are the titles that started the inkling of real change for me.

The third title, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa TerKeurst, hit home hard. I had a consistent feeling of "this is me." The strange thing is, it wasn't what I thought it was going to be and I bought it more because of the author, who I already know I love. Plus, Proverbs 31 (a women's ministry of which TerKeurst is President) was running a read-a-long. I don't really have anyone to read books alongside so I always jump at the chance of a good read-a-long through Proverbs 31. I assumed the book would be about how to do more than just rote Bible reading and do-gooding. And it was that, but it went much deeper. TerKeurst probes at the core of who we are. What do you expect from life, what are doing in life, and is it going to really give you what you need? (Spoiler alert: it isn't). Among her discussion points she discusses allowing people and things to fulfill you and be the source of your happiness, which will fail you because no one and nothing is perfect. She talks about trying to measure up, do, do, do, go, go, go...and again this will fail because you are only human, you will tire going nonstop in your own strength. Plus, you don't have to measure up, you are accepted as you are by God...and true friends will see you the same way. There are many more points like these and all of them spoke to me of reevaluating my decisions and actions.

The fifth title, Undaunted, comes from another author I adore, Christine Caine. (Yes, fifth title because the fourth book I read is by far the best, so I'm saving it for last.) Undaunted discusses ways in which we find life getting us down and out and possibly giving up on what we've been called to do. I will admit some of what I read here was repeat as I've read other Caine books and the material from this book is referenced in them; however, Undaunted gave her story in more detail. She talks about ways in which we become easily discouraged or let the facts dictate what we can do when we are called by a God much bigger than any facts. And then her story of starting her A21 Campaign, an organization that fights human trafficking, absolutely backs up every point she makes. This book encouraged me in my next step forward and the life changes it will bring for me this Fall as I start my PhD program. It's daunting, but I can go forward undaunted if I choose to activate my faith.

And the fourth title? Christine Caine again, this time her newest title, Unashamed. This book can be highly personal to those for whom it applies and that's what makes it so valuable. Unashamed is about the ways in which shame has taken over our lives. Sometimes it's from something done to you and sometimes it's from things you've chosen to do. Everyone is affected by it in some way, at some point in their lives, and that's the value of this book. However, for some shame has played a much larger, tragic role, their lives encumbered by avoidance of and coping mechanisms for shame reactions. The best way to give a look into what shame does is to give a description Caine wrote (from experience) about how the mind reacts even in the smallest hurtful situation, intentional or not:

"So much emotion came with this hurt. Especially the emotion of shame—and it was loud just like a shame-producing giant always is. I was so tempted to interpret that I was being negatively judged. I was sensitive to and fearful of rejection and criticism—and wanted to withdraw. I began to feel I was the problem. I started to slide into my black-and-white perspectives of whether I was either loved or unloved, accepted or rejected, wanted or unwanted—with no rational zone in between these extremes. I began to be tempted to make adjustments to make others feel more comfortable, to people-please. So many of my shame buttons were being pushed all at once!"

Can you imagine living that way with each and every hurt and disappointment magnified ten fold? If you can or you do, you need to read Unashamed by Christine Caine. I've so enjoyed these books so far. It's all hard stuff, but when it comes down to making a life change, following a calling or becoming the you that you are intended to be, you can only change the things you are willing to confront. 

The Best Yes

One of my favorite things about books is discussion. Fiction is my preference for reading, but I enjoy a good discussion on life topics. And I have a number of favorite authors who write on relevant topics. The most recent is The Best Yes, by Lysa Terkeurst. The premise of the book is that our day-to-day schedule works off of our ability to use two words, Yes and No. I read and discussed this book weekly with friends and found those who were in the same boat as me, plus those who were already good at saying no and really helped me.

I do not consider myself a people pleaser, although that would be one reason a person would say yes to more than he/she should. As I read this book and thought about it, I knew that I just like to help people. If I can help, or make a way to help, I will. Saying no felt like I was telling the person I didn't care or didn't want to help, when that's not what a no necessarily means. And I never considered the strain that put on me until a few years ago when I had a new teaching schedule that took up more time than usual. I did everything I usually did plus the extra work stress and always felt frazzled, which made me realize I've felt this frazzled-ness off and on before that.

The Best Yes is about saying no when you need to so that you have the time to say yes when you really should. Not only does this relieve the stress of an overwhelming schedule, but it also leaves you time for the most important things. The things you are meant to do. Terkeurst had so many amazing one liners that I could repeat to myself, reminders that it is okay to say no when I need to. I recently grouped a set of them into my Sunday meme, Begin the Week with Words (aka Sunday Sentence).

The book has helped. No, it's not like I no longer struggle with saying no, but I've made progress. I've pinpointed the things I feel are my current priorities in life and focus on them. I've been able to say no to things that seem very simple to some, but are a big deal for me! And I've also been learning that I don't have to give an excuse for everything I say no to. No is no and that's all there is to it. Sometimes the reason isn't always something I can share with others anyway and I end up sounding stupid trying to semi explain.

As a side note, author Lysa Terkeurst is a wife and mother of five, and also the President of the Christian Women's organization called Proverbs 31 Ministries. Regardless of what your stance on God is, TerKeurst's books are always on relevant topics all women face. Books of hers I'd recommend are Made to Crave (about eating) and Unglued (about losing your cool - see my review here). She also has a great set of marriage books, one for husbands called Capture Her Heart, and one for wives called Capture His Heart (my mini review here).

I'd have to say reading The Best Yes is one of my best yeses this year. Anyone else read any good books helping you with life topics?