Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I can be intense, I don't like to cook, I only clean when it starts crossing THEE line, I don't mind doing laundry, I hate the NFL (football itself is fine otherwise...if you're into killing brain cells), I have a love/hate relationship with exercise, I have a weakness for candy, pop, and sweet tea, I have always been a working mom and have never regretted it, I've never participated in PTO or a mom's group by choice, I enjoy my teaching career and have loved quite a few students as my own over the years, I am proud of my talents although they don't always feel useful in the grand scheme of things, I will read and write like there's no tomorrow, I love words and I want to use them to inspire and encourage people, I hold my close friends close as my family, I adore my fur babies, I've enjoyed my own kids more as teenagers than little kids (for the most part), I don't deserve my husband but I'm awfully happy I have him, I love Jesus, I know Jesus loves me.

That's me. I've spent far too much time regretting who I am and who I'm not. Feeling bad and feeling guilty for what I like and don't like, for what I can do and can't do, what I do and don't do, in comparison to common social roles or just other people in general. Even if it's just in my head, it's gone too far. It's a lie.

Because the only thing on that paragraph list that matters is the last one: Jesus loves me. And the last one validates all the others. The Bible tells me "...I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" Psalm 139:14. Everything about me has been a part of me from the start. I can't remember ever liking cooking, even as a kid with my mom. My mom says I've sat "reading" books since I was old enough to hold a book open. I never once imagined myself as a stay-at-home mom, college and career have always been on my radar. Regardless of what anyone has to say about this list of me, I should stand assured because it's who I am...who I was made to be. And every part of me - made fearfully and wonderfully - will serve the purpose God has for me to glorify Him.

What a great word God has sunk into my head tonight (as I'm writing Sunday at 2am), but it doesn't end there because I'm not in this on my own. My husband is laid back, he doesn't mind cooking, he cleans and actually does it right (I take short cuts), he loves the NFL and played football, he drinks coffee, he has useful computer skills, he does not read or write and doesn't have a way with words, we are agreed on our friends and family, he loves Jesus, Jesus loves him.

Do you see what I see? Two people who are opposites, put together as compliments of each other. Our personalities and abilities fit together like the pieces of a puzzle, one filling in the other's gaps. Where one is weak, the other is strong, and vice versa. Team Gleghorn - cause everything we do needs to be done as a team. My realization that I should accept who I am came hand-in-hand with the revelation that I don't truly view my work as a team effort with my family. Dare I say sometimes I forget I'm teamed up with God?! Yet, everything I do my family (and God) are a part of, whether they or I like it or not. For example, right now, my enrollment in grad school affects my whole family's schedules. Especially Brandon, who has to do the running around of kids and errands that I don't have the time for. The kids picked up certain household responsibilities and more independent time. All of which limits their time for other things. And the tables have been turned in other seasons of our lives. This team compliments me and I them, so that we can each be who we are.

2017 brings with it so many good things - I can just feel it. Possibly the biggest for me though is learning - really knowing - that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That God knows me and wants me to know Him, if I would only seek.

To paraphrase author Ann Voskamp: I am hard after Him.

A Quick Hello

Not much posting going on around here, is there? Even now I'm supposed to be prepping for a final for tomorrow, but would rather throw out a quick hello to the blogosphere.

My bedroom/office. When we moved in August I
never bothered to put up a single decoration in
my room. It immediately became my work space.

First, finals week. I am excited to say that this time tomorrow I will only have one final to finish and the first semester of my PhD program will be done. I've worked so hard, so it's kinda depressing to realize that with all the steps I have to take I have only finished 1/4 of 1/4 of the requirements. Ugh. But for once, I may not be wishing away the hard work. Knowing there's something big this all leads to, I don't want to sleep walk through or wish away the lessons to learn and the character forming experiences. Among the things I hope to succeed at more next semester are time management and focus. I did what I had to do to survive this semester. Next semester I'd like to manage the work time I set aside better. That will mean learning to focus and will likely mean leaving my house to work more often. I knew I needed to study elsewhere this semester, but in the day-to-day it felt like a hassle to leave my house - see the pile of books in the pic above? At one point I had 40 some books checked out of the library - I brought the initial bunch home in a large 31 tote and will be taking them back the same way. You can't just casually haul that crap around! Next semester I will work elsewhere more often, thankfully with smaller texts.

This semester I've also surprised myself in some of my ability to "let go" of things. I'm a control freak. As many of you know, early in our marriage, my husband worked a night shift job that pretty much left him only with time to eat, sleep, and work...leaving me to make decisions and carry things out. It's very hard to drop that habit even though it's been years since he left that job.

Saturdays are big work times for me, so my husband took over the time consuming task of meal planning and grocery shopping, two jobs I did even though he's the one who cooks. He's done a great job and it's been a big help in relieving weekend stress.

I've also learned to live with a little mess - well in my car anyway (my house is still too new and exciting for me to let mess build up). I was so shocked by it one day that I actually took a picture. During a good bit of the semester my car floor was a mess of trash, books, bags, sweaters, and random other items from my travel between two schools. There's also a gallon size bag of cashews and almonds for snacking in there somewhere. Very not me, but again it worked for the days I found myself running from one place to the next, dinner in the car, and more stuff than my book bag could hold.

The excitement for this week isn't just finals though. We made our first ever trip to IKEA. We bought my daughter a desk and dresser - one as a birthday present and one for Christmas. With the move and school starting, the trip didn't happen until now and she's been patiently waiting for her "new room" to come together. I couldn't take pictures, cause she doesn't have everything arranged yet, lol. She'll be going to college full time next year, but has decided to stay home and commute to the local college where she has already been taking classes. We all thought it would be a nice fresh start with a new look for her primary living space. It's going to be a crazy transition next year, as college student life very much becomes living as an adult even if she is home with us...and it will likely be harder for us to adjust than her! Not that I mind the change, I just know I won't remember she's not a "kid" anymore.

My presents under the tree for now!

We also went to IKEA to buy my bookshelves for my library! There are nine total and they will cover three of the four walls. I am beyond excited. By the time finals week finishes up, they should be ready for my books and I'll have all the time in the world to arrange to my heart's desire. I can't wait. I promise to put up pics as soon as the library shelves are stocked and everything is decorated.

And FINALLY we were able to do something as a whole family. We went out to dinner after IKEA for our son's birthday. It's near impossible to have family time that consists of everyone these days. For us it becomes a matter of making sure we've spent time with all of the kids and each other at some points throughout the week. It's a new norm.

Hope everyone's December is treating them well. The month is flying by and that special time we wait for every year - (Christmas but also time off of work for those lucky enough to have it) will be over before you know it. Enjoy the time building up to it. Love.