Live in the Plural

Source: Crown and Cove

A couple weekends ago I had a number of bad days in a row. Two errant thoughts/feelings from the week grew inside my head on Thursday, torturing me as I focused on them. So when Friday came around and work I'd done for my classes needed redone through no fault of my own I sank further into the pit. That Saturday brought hours of wasted time, as I worked on a PhD project using the wrong topic...initially missing the side note I'd added in class that week to clarify the requirements. I would have to start all over. By dinnertime on that Saturday I realized I hadn't really been in touch with anyone outside of my immediate family for three days. And even at home, I'd hidden away to avoid anything but my misery. And I thought, bad days happen, but what could I have done to avoid going on for days in misery and withdrawal?

I'm big on transparency and learning from each other - even if it's just among a small gathering or a few friends. So, on our FB group page, I asked the ladies of my church for their input on the following situation: "You know those times you've held it together through a few things gone wrong in a few days' time, but then there's one more thing that goes wrong and it's one thing too many. And really crying - or at least throwing a fit - seems like the best option. But the problems are still there afterward...So where do you go from there? What are the things you think, read, say, and do that help you get back on track?" Myself and a few ladies responded with the following:

• Sometimes when we hit a bad day or thing we think we'll just push through and don't know there is possibly more [bad days or bad things] to come. So it's best to pray and be still about a "bad" day or situation immediately. Sometimes it's just that one thing that makes the rest look as bad as they do...and sometimes that first thing isn't even as bad as we think in the moment. Being still before God realigns us.

• We tend to push ourselves to hold it together and then we really lose it. Attitude is the first thing to go! Try to recognize what is happening and do some positive self talk to deal with it and not let it build up.

• It builds up because we try to keep everything in. We need to talk about what's going on out loud and get it all out and rest.

• After throwing a fit - cause sometimes that just happens - say out loud "Ok Lord, I can't fix this alone so you need to help me." Acknowledging out loud that we can't fix the issue and giving it to God then and there is needed because we know we can't fix it, but hold onto the possibility that we can anyway.

These make sense and I see the use of all of them, so I wanted to share the collective wisdom of my friends in helping to relieve bad days and situations that get out of control. While I've collected their advice and pondered the way "bad days" get out of control in the couple weeks since my bad weekend, I came across another amazing help in such situations - this one more of a prevention than a cure. This past weekend I attended Ohio Ministry Network's Time Apart (a women's conference) in Columbus, Ohio. We had an amazing speaker on Saturday, Dr. Alicia Britt Chole, who spoke from her various writings, among them newly published The Sacred Slow. She and her husband have spent thirty years mentoring people in growing deeper roots in their walk with God. And her final point of the afternoon on Saturday hit home for me on this topic I'd been writing and thinking upon.

Her last point was simply titled "Live in the Plural." She says that when it comes to self-talk (conversations we have with ourselves - about ourselves - in our heads), we need to shift from thinking "I" to "we." In theological reality, we are never alone. We say that God is always with us; therefore, it is never an "I" who is doing and thinking, but a "we" - Jesus and I. Dr. Chole states that, "Every moment of every day is a moment to abide in Jesus. You need to think and live as we - 'Jesus and I.'"

Her point in this is that such thinking will affect how you talk about yourself and others when Jesus is involved. We may not have a problem looking in the mirror and saying, "I look so ugly today." But, as believers, if we are thinking and living in the plural, we find it difficult to say, "Jesus and I look so ugly today." We have no problem looking at others and thinking, "What is her problem?" But if we are thinking in the plural, it becomes more difficult to criticize by thinking, "What is her and Jesus' problem?"

That weekend when I realized I'd have to redo my work I was thinking, "My time is wasted and I don't know how I'll find time to redo it." If my mindset had been "we," the thought would have been, "Mine and Jesus' time is wasted and I don't know how either Jesus or I will find the time redo it." And at that moment, it would've all turned around before getting out of control. I mean really, is Jesus' time ever wasted and is it impossible for Jesus to find the time to redo something? Thinking in the plural in that moment would've turned me to Jesus immediately, lifting up my problem and moving on. (As it turns out, on Monday I had an idea to fix my problem and a co-worker in charge of the new program helped me fit my work into the new format required. No real extra work or time required. All that fret and the following days of misery for nothing?)

Live in the plural! Jesus is always with you and so nothing you think, do, or say is on your own. Placing Jesus directly alongside you in your every thought, word, and deed is a good way to do as His Word says in Romans 12:2 to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Cures are good, they are needed, but isn't prevention the best course to take when we can?!