Ever have those times where life feels - heck, you feel - like a complete mess? Maybe there are external factors such as sickness, finances, or relationships involved, but with or without external factors, there is likely roller coaster emotions. You feel good one minute and then find yourself free falling toward sadness, despair, hurt and/or anger, maybe feeling helpless and hopeless. You find a pick me up or make some progress, but within days or a week later you've fallen off track again. Even if you like roller coasters, this one threatens to make you sick.
No? It's just me? Well, just in case someone else out there understands, know I've been there too. I'm there now, and I'll likely find myself here again in the future. Because only one thing in this life is consistent: change. Usually, if you're human, change brings with it struggle. Even though change is always around us, sometimes our lives hit seasons of greater or more change, and the struggle is more than a hashtag, the struggle IS real.
We know journeys and seasons of life change us...how could they not? And isn't that the point on more than one level? But "knowing" and "knowing from experience" are two different things. My sister for example, who knows my birth stories well, right after having her first child recently, asked me, "Why did you do this three times?!" (She was still a little out of it at that point.) She'd heard all the gruesome details about birth, she'd read articles, watched videos, gone to Lamaze classes...but none of them could prepare her as fully as the actual experience of giving birth.
I find more and more that I'm faced with this difference between knowing change happens and experiencing change - I'm strangely aware of myself now as I haven't been before. We are taught to know that God is making us like Him, but what do we know from experience? God has newly opened my eyes to moments where my tone of voice is off, my words don't glorify him, my intentions are not right, my insecurities and fears are carrying me away, I am being prideful, etc. Realizing these moments - knowing they've been a part of me for awhile - I wonder how I still have a husband and friends?!
That mantra for the past month - the struggle is real - drove me to prayer and to seek support. After a particularly difficult week that moved into a harder weekend, where I felt like nothing but a mess, I found myself revealing the horrible feeling to my husband and a friend. Both encouraged me greatly with truth, that things are not what they seem (thank God for husbands and best friends). The enemy whispers lies, blows things out of proportion, creates despair, and robs us of what God gives; God gives abundant life (John 10:10). Keeping this in mind helps us determine from which source we are receiving in any given moment...I had been listening to the wrong side more often than not that week.
That Sunday, with the swells of "How Great Thou Art" reverberating around the sanctuary, I whispered a prayer of thanks to God for just being who He is. And without thought the next words slipped from my lips, "Thank you for the struggle." Somewhat surprised at my words, the explanation whispered into my mind - it is because of His sacrifice that we do not struggle in vain. With Him we have the ability to struggle and with struggle we have the ability to find Him. We cannot become like Jesus without drawing close to Him. Drawing close brings about a change of heart. And change of heart often brings struggle.
But take heart, there's a purpose. In John 15:1-5 Jesus states, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." (NIV)
Cut off - ouch! And why prune what is already producing fruit? Is that really necessary? It makes one wonder, why prune fruit trees? Turns out, pruning fruit trees allows more sunlight and air to reach all parts of the tree, which focuses a tree's strength on the good branches that will bear and support even more fruit than it has already. Since fruit trees are all about the production of fruit, pruning is the successful means to that end.
Not always, but often our struggles hurt because they are evidence of God's pruning. If we are the branches remaining (or abiding) in Christ, He is not going to leave us as we are. He sees our potential, He knows what He has for us, and He is going to change us accordingly. He does so with precision, a step at a time, but it is up to us to remain in Him through the process. The struggle is real, but it is good.
